The longest journey begins with....

"The longest journey begins with a single step..." I believe that's what they say. But actually I think it begins with one little step, and then another, and then another.............. And each one seems like nothing much, but slowly slowly the world underneath your feet shifts, and then suddenly you find yourself on board a plane, or getting in a taxi, moving into another town or getting married. I took one big jump when my first husband and I decided to get married, when I turned up pregnant (age 18) instead of having an abortion. Another when I divorced him 7 years and two children later. Another when I quit work to stay home (I thought to begin dancing seriously, but as it turned out, to have two more children with the man who then became my second husband.) Another big one occurred when I left all my friends and even my two older children behind (my daughter married, my son with his dad) and moved from Berkeley to the farm country of Northern California, with my husband and the younger two. Another when we left the farm behind, and moved to a homestead in the mountains. Another when I left him and struck out on my own in a log cabin without water. And of course moving onto my own property full of bushes and trees and a stunning view, and nothing else, and building my own house. But the one I'm contemplating would be the biggest. Dropping a good-paying job that I like a lot (a LOT) and moving out of the country and even state I've lived in nearly every day of my life....to move to Guatemala. 

But the first little step in this (still only POSSIBLE) journey occurred when I read Pat Martin's blog about volunteering in Guatemala. The second when my son heard I was thinking of going and offered me the trip for my birthday. But the real step, of course, was suddenly finding that I had purchased tickets. THAT means you're going!! It only takes lifting a finger (on the computer) but the meaning is pretty momentous. So then I went, and now I'm back, and still thinking about moving there. Still wondering if I'm crazy. Still wondering why there? But while I was gone my yellow page ad for my private therapy practice was cancelled because I hadn't responded quickly enough. My yellow page ad! which my practice depends on, in large part. And if I DON'T go to Guatemala but do leave my current position(s), private practice would be the only thing enabling me to continue to live in THIS country! But that step was taken for me. And I watched it and didn't try to change it. I've been thinking that I'm unable to USE my private practice office, these days, as I'm working too much at my two consulting jobs. And that if I closed my office right away (which I'd have to do if I went to Guate) I'd save $300 per month!! So today I went in to pay my office rent....and asked how many days notice they require. "30 days," she said. And I put in my notice. It always intrigues me that these things happen (at least to me) with some forethought, but when the actual act occurs, it's almost as though it's not my hand writing that note.....that my brain is just empty of thought, and my hand just writing by itself. But there it is. I don't want to be dramatic because of course I could change my mind any time in the next 30 days, but..........there it is. Maybe I'm leaving this town I love, these friends I love, my house I built myself and have lived in for 30 years. Maybe I'm leaving!