Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Guatemala - joys and disappointments

Why did I imagine life here would be different from life anywhere? This is one of the Great Learnings, I think - no matter where you go, there you are.

That is, that there would be both great joys - riding on the chickenbusses with mothers and their babies and their little kids (so many little kids!), and working men, the rock or salsa or reggae music blasting away, tearing along the curves of these volcano-side roads; or walking the colorful streets and meeting the dark eyes of sweet parents and their kids for instance - and also big disappointments. The latter is my growth in spanish - so, so slow! - which is preventing me from carrying on the life I expected here.   I feel so frustrated when I can't explain what I feel is a really valuable point-of-view or bit of professional understanding during a conversation with colleagues.   When I can't "use my words" in a group with kids because I can't get the "good stuff" out fast enough to be effective, or to demonstarte to my co-workers.

Now maybe that's a good thing - not to just be able to continue on the same line I was on as a professional in California. Maybe that is helping me change as a person - which is certainly required by living here. For one thing, nothing happens on time. Ever. I'm always delighted (as an aspiring Zen-conscious person) when some social worker and I, for instance, get on a bus in a small pueblo after visiting some homes where people either were or weren't there, as they had promised, only to find that the driver is under the bus, fixing something, or that we have a 15 min. wait for some other reason. I notice people get on, all ready to go, then size up the situation (the wait) and just settle in on the seats; people here are consistently  patient. So I am learning to be. That's a good thing, for this ever-hyper woman. Learning to be more present. That's another personal goal but that's easy.....everything's new, even after a year. I sit in on groups for children with difficulties at home (domestic violence, alcohol, child abuse - just like poor stressed-out families everywhere) but can't do more than help with the refreshments or the activity materials, or accept a child or two in my lap, because I can't contribute verbally, even though this is a field I know well and have lots to say about. Frustrating. I sit in on home visits where I understand about 75% of what's going on - the client's story - but can't offer much, even though I have lots of ideas on problem solving, parenting, health, and so on. More frustration. I've tried counseling a few people, but even though I manage, it's not adequate and short-changes them. So I have to wait to do my life-work. Frustrating. I've been writing a lot - short stories and a novel/memoir, and the start of another, but do you know EVERYBODY is writing, these days? A big surge in self-expression, self-revelation, a feeling of writing competence (sometimes questionable, the latter.) So that's rather daunting. So far, three of my stories have been rejected....three languish. We'll see. The activity itself, especially the self-searching and recognitions of the memoirs, was worth the work. 

I have been up to the Lago Atitlan area, which is very interesting. Guatemala was a war-torn country for many years and that has set the economic climate way back........but not the cultural one, or their awareness of the world. Many Guatemalans know the details of 9/11, for instance, or our involvement in Iraq, way better than most Americans do. There are classes in yoga, and tai chi, and acupuncture available in Gua City, Antigua and around the Lake (all areas of much American and European influence) and much sophistication about these things. There are theater groups and music and dance groups (with indigenous as well as european influences.) Artistically, Guatemala is very alive with both traditional practices (painting and weaving) and new ones. That is exciting. For instance, there is an American or European woman living in San Marcos, Lago Atitlan, who is teaching dance in the public school there, I hear; which means acceptance by the public school system! At times I think of going up to the Lake to live......I love the public lanchas (boats) on which everyone gets around to the lake-side towns - again, families, baskets of food, conversation between strangers. Delightful; and I love that big body of water, surrounded by volcanoes. But so far I'm living in that little house I described earlier, in the pueblo of Santa Ana, near Antigua, with its little up-and-downstairs rooms, and the little shared garden surrounding it.  I've been here for 7 months, now, after the first six in the more-expensive house in Antigua, proper. I work in a small project run by a man who volunteers for Common Hope, or Familias de Esperanza, as it's called here. With four young Guatemalan teachers, I go into the schools in the small pueblos and teach Pedagogia Basica (Brain Gym) activities to the kids. I love the kids; I love being in the classrooms; I have developed a real affectionate bond with these young teachers. We are currently proprosing to guide the preschool classrooms in implementing best practices in early childhood education (as defined in the US and Canada.) The Director also has a clown project and they go into the pueblos on Sundays and bring pre-school activities to the kids and parents. I am currently working on getting funding for both. This all feels like a gift as I just fell into connection with them, almost literally.   I was at a party with some folks I know slightly and afterward decided to walk over to a musical presentation at a beautiful church in the north of Antigua.  I fell into step with a Gringo man who invited me to go to Lago Atitlan with these young teachers to take a training in Pedigogia Basica - no strings attached.  So I said "Of course," and thus became involved.   Because of them, I worked some in two of the classrooms for the remainder of the year, helping with behavior management.  Then in the afternoons I go with the social workers and speech therapist of Common Hope to the homes in the hills to visit families. It's providing me with a lot........especially the opportunity to observe the homes, the family interaction, parenting styles, and to interact some with the kids...........but mostly I feel like an observer, and that is....well, I've said it already, frustration. And I have some social life: at my salsa class (a wonderful private lesson tho there are often other folks around,) though I rarely go to the bars; at my mostly-gringo writers' group; at the hotel where my Director lives with other people coming and going. Not a lot. I spend a lot of time at my little home, usually writing. . Pero, poco a poco. Just have to have a little more faith.   In the meantime there is much to love, here.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Still here!

I have now been in Antigua et environs for more than a year......salsa dancing the whole time, or at least taking classes. This town is interesting; it is setup pretty well, socially, for retired people.....and for college-age folks (lots of bars) but not so good for a 72 year old (yesterday) who loves hiphop and salsa dancing. So I go to class and if there is a younger friend in town for the weekend, we'll go to Rikki's Bar on Wed. nite for Cuban, or Thurs and Friday to Rainbow Cafe for our friend Kenny and his wonderful latin-flavored band. In many ways I haven't found the situation of my dreams - work/wise and home/wise - and wonder about the reason for that, since finding a few good friends and finding a program and some schools to work in has flowed pretty easily. OK we'll lay it up to my still-pobre spanish, not some metaphysical machination. Since I've had a lot of time to myself, I've spent it writing. Not for the first time in my life, at all....but only the second time (the last to Playboy at age 26) to submit anything. Only to have 3/6 rejected so far. A poem was accepted for Main Channel Voices, which was nice....nice poem, too. Juice.  (See my various offerings in Author's Den).